State Representative candidate Stan Lee:
Stan, possibly named after the comic book genius, looks like a 70s porn star and seemingly has a hot wife. (Moreover, there's someone in Nicholasville named Russ Meyer who's always on the ballot for something or another. Local politics is confusing.)
However, Stan does not include any porn-friendly initiatives in his campaign message. Instead, we learn that Stan "sponsered (sic) the bill to protect teachers from lawsuits so they can spend more time in the classroom, not the courtroom." OK.
And, in what turns out to be a recurring theme, Stan "will continue to... protect marriage and uphold our Christian values."
I just want to know what he's doing with his left hand.
Family Court Judge candidate Tim Philpot:
This guy made his name trying to videotape people going into porn stores and bashing gays. (A consultant friend of mine worked on his law office PC once and said it was choked with porn.) On his info sheet, he refers to this record of sleaze as being "well known and respected throughout the Commonwealth of Kentucky as an outstanding community leader." Now he wants to decide who gets the kids in custody cases, among other things. His background as a vehement anti-gay crusader makes that a disquieting idea.
His sheet says, "Keep Judge Philpot," even though he was appointed to the bench by Big Ern Fletcher back in January and has never actually been elected.
His pictures are boring, so I won't waste your bandwidth on them.
Circuit Judge candidate Jim Ishmael:
Call him... Ishmael. Here's Jim and the lovely family:
The kid on the right looks a little stoned.
His sheet is deadly dull and boring, so he may in fact be a good candidate. He makes sure to point out that he does pro bono work for the "Bluegrass Christian Adoption Services, Inc." and is an "Elder and past Chairman of [the] Board of Directors" of Southland Christian Church (an enormous mall-like church/school/gym/phallic tower complex just south of here), so his Jesus cred is secure.
Congressional candidate Tom Buford:
This jerk keeps leaving recorded messages on my answering machine every day.
Here is his tough, independent stand on the issues:
Just so you don't misunderstand, he is both pro-life *and* opposed to abortion. No flip-flopper, this one.
Senate candidate Jim Bunning:
We've covered his crumbling mental faculties in this thread, so there's no need to cover that same ground again.
Here's his pitch:
So, he has *very* healthy sperm, he's firm, and he likes to "push," "expand," and "strengthen" things. I think I get the subtext.
I'm encouraged that he opposes "bad trade deals." Too many people take that sort of thing for granted.
Presidential candidate George W. Bush:
We know all about this guy.
We all need a smile in these uncertain times, and Bush's campaign literature certainly provides them. Thanks, George.
The most important lesson here seems to be that if you're going to be part of the national Republican ticket in Kentucky, your last name had better start with B-U.
Ryan