Mallard Fillmore
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Bennett Cerf
- Posts: 739
- Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:54 pm
About the Characters
Mallard Fillmore
A seasoned, rumpled ex-newspaper reporter, Mallard now works for WFDR-TV in Washington, D.C. The fact that he is a duck doesn't stand out at Channel 3 nearly as much as his unapologetic political viewpoints do. Mallard loves to question his colleagues' more liberal-minded views about current affairs. He thinks average, hardworking Americans need a break instead of a lecture. Mallard thinks taxes are too high, educational standards are too low, and that the "radicals" of the '60s and '70s now set the establishment's politically correct media agenda. Mallard tells it the way he sees it and he isn't afraid to ruffle feathers to get his point across.
Mr. Noseworthy
Mallard's boss at WFDR. A "child of the '60s," Mr. Noseworthy is still adjusting to being a grownup of the '90s. He longs for the days spent listening to records that criticized his parents' materialism (on the $1,500 stereo his parents bought him). However, his privileged background didn't dull his "social conscience"; he'd give someone the shirt off your back.
Congressman Veneer
No chin, and a backbone to match. Veneer never met a tax hike he didn't like. All of his kids go to private school, but he opposes vouchers for the rest of us. (What if his daughter started dating one of the "Voucher Kids"?) While the congressman doesn't visit his district often, he remembers that it's in "one of those big, rectangular states." He keeps getting re-elected because he's from a "safe" district. Of course, when you live in Washington, D.C., almost anywhere else seems safe.
Chantel
Co-anchor at WFDR, Chantel has a dilemma: she likes Mallard but hates his politics. Smart, aggressive and liberal, she once had all the makings of a first-class journalist. Instead she became a TV reporter. Chantel and Mallard can't even have lunch together without fighting. He can tolerate her politics, but not the fact that her idea of a deli is someplace that serves sprouts on a croissant. And if she says "self-esteem" one more time, he's gonna commit Chantelicide.
Dave
Mallard's best friend whose life's savings are invested in Dave's Diner, the burger joint where Mallard has breakfast every afternoon. Dave is one of those rare Americans who still believes in the American work ethic and can quote our Founding Fathers. This may be because he's from Vietnam.
Rush
Dave's little boy. Lives to play basketball. Wants to forgo his 4th-grade eligibility and go straight to the pros. His teacher, Ms. Carp (pronounced Mizzzzzz Carp), is also president of the local NEA chapter. She started disliking Rush immediately upon finding out he was named after the talk-show host, not the band. Other kids want to know where babies come from; Rush wants to know why there are no Asian-Americans in the NBA.
Eddie
Mallard’s allergic to cats and dogs. He wanted a pet that was good with kids, but had to settle for one that would be good with hush puppies. Eddie isn’t crazy about his situation, either…surveying his shabby living-room furnished with a tacky castle, a windmill and a deep-sea diver who blows bubbles, he wonders why there’s never an animal-rights activist around when you need one.
Chet
Last and clearly least, Chet is Chantel's co-anchor at WFDR. He knows all of Dan Rather's outfits by heart. Although he wasn't born when President Kennedy was assassinated, he can tell you exactly where he was when Barbara Walters launched “The View.” Chet believes in “giving back to the community,” so he’s endowed a scholarship to give aspiring young anchorpersons the same opportunity he had - to get a chin transplant. Chet is forever looking for that special something that sets him apart from other TV anchors. Mallard suggests he try subject-verb agreement.
Mallard Fillmore
A seasoned, rumpled ex-newspaper reporter, Mallard now works for WFDR-TV in Washington, D.C. The fact that he is a duck doesn't stand out at Channel 3 nearly as much as his unapologetic political viewpoints do. Mallard loves to question his colleagues' more liberal-minded views about current affairs. He thinks average, hardworking Americans need a break instead of a lecture. Mallard thinks taxes are too high, educational standards are too low, and that the "radicals" of the '60s and '70s now set the establishment's politically correct media agenda. Mallard tells it the way he sees it and he isn't afraid to ruffle feathers to get his point across.
Mr. Noseworthy
Mallard's boss at WFDR. A "child of the '60s," Mr. Noseworthy is still adjusting to being a grownup of the '90s. He longs for the days spent listening to records that criticized his parents' materialism (on the $1,500 stereo his parents bought him). However, his privileged background didn't dull his "social conscience"; he'd give someone the shirt off your back.
Congressman Veneer
No chin, and a backbone to match. Veneer never met a tax hike he didn't like. All of his kids go to private school, but he opposes vouchers for the rest of us. (What if his daughter started dating one of the "Voucher Kids"?) While the congressman doesn't visit his district often, he remembers that it's in "one of those big, rectangular states." He keeps getting re-elected because he's from a "safe" district. Of course, when you live in Washington, D.C., almost anywhere else seems safe.
Chantel
Co-anchor at WFDR, Chantel has a dilemma: she likes Mallard but hates his politics. Smart, aggressive and liberal, she once had all the makings of a first-class journalist. Instead she became a TV reporter. Chantel and Mallard can't even have lunch together without fighting. He can tolerate her politics, but not the fact that her idea of a deli is someplace that serves sprouts on a croissant. And if she says "self-esteem" one more time, he's gonna commit Chantelicide.
Dave
Mallard's best friend whose life's savings are invested in Dave's Diner, the burger joint where Mallard has breakfast every afternoon. Dave is one of those rare Americans who still believes in the American work ethic and can quote our Founding Fathers. This may be because he's from Vietnam.
Rush
Dave's little boy. Lives to play basketball. Wants to forgo his 4th-grade eligibility and go straight to the pros. His teacher, Ms. Carp (pronounced Mizzzzzz Carp), is also president of the local NEA chapter. She started disliking Rush immediately upon finding out he was named after the talk-show host, not the band. Other kids want to know where babies come from; Rush wants to know why there are no Asian-Americans in the NBA.
Eddie
Mallard’s allergic to cats and dogs. He wanted a pet that was good with kids, but had to settle for one that would be good with hush puppies. Eddie isn’t crazy about his situation, either…surveying his shabby living-room furnished with a tacky castle, a windmill and a deep-sea diver who blows bubbles, he wonders why there’s never an animal-rights activist around when you need one.
Chet
Last and clearly least, Chet is Chantel's co-anchor at WFDR. He knows all of Dan Rather's outfits by heart. Although he wasn't born when President Kennedy was assassinated, he can tell you exactly where he was when Barbara Walters launched “The View.” Chet believes in “giving back to the community,” so he’s endowed a scholarship to give aspiring young anchorpersons the same opportunity he had - to get a chin transplant. Chet is forever looking for that special something that sets him apart from other TV anchors. Mallard suggests he try subject-verb agreement.
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lukpac
- Top Dog and Sellout
- Posts: 4592
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2003 11:51 pm
- Location: Madison, WI
- Contact:
Bennett Cerf wrote:
What is the duck/Tinsley drinking to be transported to this fantasy land?
"I know because it is impossible for a tape to hold the compression levels of these treble boosted MFSL's like Something/Anything. The metal particulate on the tape would shatter and all you'd hear is distortion if even that." - VD
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Bennett Cerf
- Posts: 739
- Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:54 pm
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Bennett Cerf
- Posts: 739
- Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:54 pm
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lukpac
- Top Dog and Sellout
- Posts: 4592
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2003 11:51 pm
- Location: Madison, WI
- Contact:
Bennett Cerf wrote:Has anyone actually had USPS leave a package in the driveway?
Nope. My normal postman is pretty good. Nice too.
Don't think I've ever had carrier issues.
"I know because it is impossible for a tape to hold the compression levels of these treble boosted MFSL's like Something/Anything. The metal particulate on the tape would shatter and all you'd hear is distortion if even that." - VD
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Bennett Cerf
- Posts: 739
- Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:54 pm
The Duck and Cover blog puts it best: "Apparently a coalition consisting only of the ultra-rich and the ultra-poor got together and formed a voting bloc so large they managed to elect Democrats to Congress."
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Bennett Cerf
- Posts: 739
- Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:54 pm
