God Hates Fags, Loves W

[Rspaight]

Our local paper gave three full columns to this local moron this morning, along with a big illustration of giant praying hands with a cartoon W sitting on top of them.

BETTER ANSWER COMES FROM BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

By Elizabeth Stuart

Henry Riekert's vision of what God has to say about November's election is biblically illiterate and uninformed, and his humor was sacrilegious and offensive.

Here's a biblical perspective of an imaginary post-election conversation between God and John the Revelator:

John: Sir, the election results are final, and 11 states, including Kentucky, passed constitutional amendments prohibiting gay marriage.

God: Good. They got my message. I set blessings and curses, life and death before them. I even encouraged them to choose life (Deuteronomy 30:19). Let the blessings I promised to come upon them and overtake them ... if they obeyed me, begin now (Deuteronomy 28:1-14).

John: What do you plan to do with the liberal media and the fun-filled, clueless Hollywood losers? Couldn't you just wave your hand and change them into believers? That would solve a lot of America's moral decline.

God: If I did, they would never understand my son's sacrifice for their own sins.

John: Why do these disobedient liberals not understand you when you tell them that your eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen through all of creation so that they are without excuse? Why do they profess to be wise and not see they have become fools (Romans 1:20, 22)?

God: John, those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh. Their minds are hostile toward me. They do not subject themselves to my law. They are not even able to do so (Romans 8:5, 7). That's why they defend gay rights and promote abortion.

John: Their rationale is that all human beings have a "fulfilled mental" right to anything that feels good and makes them happy.

God: Duh. My clear message down through history is that I will not bless a nation that promotes homosexuality and abortion. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah should replace the politically correct tolerance taught in public schools these days to give children a true picture of what will happen to them if they go down that path.

John: Sir, they're ignoring you. They say that the Bible isn't relevant and that there is no one they must answer to but themselves.

God: John, it is for this reason that I gave them over to degrading passions and that their men and women exchanged the natural sexual function for that which is unnatural. Their men physically desired men, and their women burned in their desire for one another. They committed indecent acts, and they do not see fit to acknowledge me. I have given them over to their depraved minds (Romans 1:26-28 ).

John: Is there any possibility that they are not able to understand your word or that they need to get a different translation of the Bible?

God: What's hard to understand about "do this" or "don't do that"?

John: I don't think biblically illiterate, uninformed, double-minded, unstable liberals are going to like all your scripture quotes. They will probably call them evil.

God: I thought I was the only one who gets to define good and evil.

John: I guess it's like your other commandments. Such as "Bless those who persecute you, bless and curse not." They're not obeying that rule, either.

God: John, that which is born of my spirit is spirit and that which is born of flesh is flesh (John 3:6). To see things my way, you must be born again by my spirit (John 3; 3). Do you remember Pharaoh and the Egyptians? They never did get it. Nothing that happened to them penetrated the darkness they lived in. No plagues of locust, the Nile turning to blood or even the angel of death. How great was their determination to refuse to believe and honor me.

John: What do you intend to do to show all your obedient ones how pleased you are with them?

God: Oh, that's easy. I'm rewarding them with four more years of George W. Bush as their president. That should convince those misguided liberals that all authority comes from me. John, issue a statement to The New York Times and Dan Rather. "W" is my man. Maybe they'll make it into a bumper sticker.

I'm always on the side of righteous government. When the American people vote my way, they get righteous government as a blessing, and "when it goes well with the righteous, the city rejoices" (Proverbs 11:10). Righteousness is good citizenship, appreciated by a civilized population.

Elizabeth Stuart of Lexington is a Bible teacher and writer.

[Dob]

I'm rewarding them with four more years of George W. Bush as their president. That should convince those misguided liberals that all authority comes from me.

Is this sarcasm??? A common Christian reaction to 9/11 was that it was proof that the US no longer pleases God. Is it now proof that God is actually on our side, because 9/11 was a form of "persecution"? I don't get it.

So...GWB's win in Ohio was a result of "divine intervention"?

Well, I guess America didn't deserve to be "rewarded" with President Pat Robertson in 1988...so we were "punished" with Bush Sr. And 8 years of the "misguided liberalism" of Clinton must have been punishment as well.

If we're going to run with this idea that God rigs elections in order to alternately "reward" or "punish" us, what other conclusions can there be? Then again, I suppose the idea is not all that farfetched...based on the comments of athletes, doesn't He already get involved in the outcome of every college and pro sporting event?

[Ess Ay Cee Dee]

Then again, I suppose the idea is not all that farfetched...based on the comments of athletes, doesn't He already get involved in the outcome of every college and pro sporting event?

Don't forget that he also uses His incredible powers to help rappers win Grammy awards.

[Rspaight]

Is this sarcasm???

Sadly, I don't think so. When I started reading it, I thought it was parody of some sort, but I kept waiting for a punchline that never came. As far as I can tell, Elizabeth's tongue is nowhere near her cheek (or anywhere else, apparently).

I couldn't find the piece referred to in the first paragraph -- it's already gone into the "for pay" archives on the kentucky.com site. But I'm betting it was a lot more sarcastic than this one was.

Ryan

[krabapple]

God uses words like 'duh'?

[Rspaight]

Well, God invented the word "duh," so I guess He's allowed to use it...

Ryan