"Sex Planet"

[Xenu]

Well, then.

Look, it goes without saying that I know very little about modern-day R&B. I'm not the target audience by any stretch of the imagination, to be sure. But I like to think of myself as fairly tolerent, for one...and guys emoting crazily about female reproductive organs and (only slightly less frequently) the women attached to them isn't so far away from the generic platonic "imbecilic rock lyric" to be actively offensive in any way.

Today I heard the absolutely charming "Sex Planet" in a Coconuts. I had to do one of those things where you're looking around, trying to see if your fellow shoppers find what you're hearing to be absurd as you do.

And then I went home and found out it was fucking R. Kelly. Jesus.

Below are the lyrics. I think you'll agree that they straddle the often-unexplored middleground of ordinary and cretinous, especially for a guy facing impending kiddie porn charges:

Jupiter, Pluto, Venus, and Saturn
I'm leavin Earth, girl, to explore your galaxy
10 to zero, blast off, here we go
We'll be climaxin til we reach Mercury

I guarantee you'll like it, it'll take your breath away
Gonna get you so excited once I taste your Milky Way

So don't trip, I got a giant rocket
Glidin through, just hittin your pocket

I'm about to take over and touch your soul
Once I enter into your black hooooooooooooooooole

Girl now that you're next to me, we'll be just like satellites
Watching over the Earth, we'll make space our paradise

Girl I promise this will be painless, painless
We'll take a trip to Planet Uranus, anus

Stick a flaaaag on the moon
First couple to ever make love on Planet Neptuuuuuuuuuuune

And if time allow us, we'll be gone for hours
I won't stop until I give you meteor showers

So get ready for liftoff babe
You ready? (yes) Hold on to this, here we go
R minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 3 2 1....
Babe, start our engines
then
blaaaaaaaaaaaaast off!

OOH SAID IT FEELS SO GOOD
WHEN WE blaaaaaaaaaast off

AND MY ROCKET IS SO FULL OF FUEL BABY
YES IT IS

[Rspaight]

Damn. That makes "Sex Farm" seem subtle and witty.

On a similar note, I was in a local chain store the other day and they were playing what sounded like Marilyn Manson, and the lyrics were basically "FUCK YOU!" over and over again. The clerks glanced at each other and said, "Oops."